Tuesday, 18 August 2015

Friendships and Facebook

facebook friends

Go and have a look through your Facebook friends list. Now, how many of them on there do you actually consider friends? Friends in the now, not old primary school pals who might remember you eating the PVA glue but probably wouldn’t notice you on the street if you walked right past them? 

How many do you actually talk to on a daily basis? See in the real world? Interact with away from the blue and white page? How many of them do you actually take pictures with instead of just liking them? The exceptions being close friends or family who lives in another country unless you have a Tardis. 

I had a Facebook cull. I scrolled through my friends list and unfriended everyone who I couldn’t remember actually seeing, speaking or interacting with in any way over the last 12 months. Sure, we might keep some people on there because we’re nose or we want to look popular by having a big ol’ collection of friends - but they’re not really friends. They’re virtual little avatars of people we might have known once upon a time. 

Real friendships vs Facebook friendships

Real friendships take work, interaction, WhatsApp group chats, nights out, copious amounts of tea, cake, prosecco. A shoulder to cry on, a pillow to scream into. Real friendships provide a sounding board for advice, a voice to call you out when you’re being a dick. Facebook friendships involve pokes, thumbs up and an obligatory omg so cute! comment every now and again. I can’t get drunk and cry about being drunk with a comment dammit!

And for those I might have known once upon a blue moon ago? Am I really that interested in ultrasound pictures? Holiday snaps? Relationship updates? Once upon a time, maybe, but right now? Nah, not so much.

Focusing on the friendships we have in the HERE and NOW

Friendships take work. Friends are the family we choose - and we all know how hard family can be at times. So choosing who to put up with when one or both parties could be having a really crappy day is pretty important. When it comes to my friends, I will give myself fully, I will put down the phone, close the laptop, put the kettle on and quite simply be there for them. And it works both ways. But it takes work. 

Friendship isn’t about being inseparable. It’s about being separated and nothing changes.

It sucks that I can’t spend as much time as I would like to with everyone I love. If I could split myself into a little piece for them all to have, hold and drink gin with, I would. But alas I am but one mere mortal being, restricted by time, work, life, toilet breaks and delayed trains. We can’t be in each others pockets 24/7 but with real friends, that shouldn’t actually change anything.

Take this past weekend. I met up with my buddy. We’ve known each other for over 10 years. We don’t get to meet up often, she’s all free spirited and wild, a lady of the world with no strings holding her down. But when we do see each other? Damn, it could have been months and we literally pick up the conversation where we left off. No awkward silences. It’s like the time that’s passed hasn’t even happened. We both take the tomatoes off our burgers, split the dessert and put the world to rights until next we meet. 

It’s not all about loyalty.

One thing I noticed during my epic Facebook cull was the loyalty. Some of these people, I had on my friends list because we were once friends and I felt loyal to them. I felt like I owed them something, even just that recognition on an online friends list. Something that screamed to the world we had once known each other, no matter how long it might have been since we last spoke. Yes, we had once known each other, and yes, it might have been all rainbows and lollipops, but that was then and this was now. The people we are today don’t owe anything to one another, so let’s cut the ties, forgo this weird sense of loyalty and put our efforts into the people we have in our lives today.

Not so long down the line I rarely think of these people. I have no urge to pop their name into the search box and see where they are now. If we see each other out in the real world and there is some recognition there, a re-connection, no matter how brief, that to me will mean more than just a digital number on my profile page.

Then again, culling all these people from my Facebook page might make my debut on This is your life a little difficult for the researchers. Swings and roundabouts people!

Do you need a Facebook cull? Let me know in the comments below!

Until next time,


  1. When I had the big facebook cleanse I actually felt so free. Why the hell did I have random people I met when I was 17 on there still? If I want to keep up to date with people, I'll message them or even meet up with them....Maybe I should just delete it haha


    1. Isn't it such a great feeling? I did toy with the idea of getting rid of it completely but I have a lot of family in there that I'm unable to see often so it's the easiest way to stay in touch!

      Sarah :)