I did it. I went and saw that film this past weekend with my girls, on Valentines day. Let me start by saying I have never read past the first 10 pages of 50 Shades of Grey. That was about as much as I could take before my eyeballs started to bleed and my toes began to cramp with constant cringe.
- I’m sat in a room full of strangers.
- Some people here look like they’ve come with their mum….
- Anastasia looks a helluva lot like Bella
- She also sounds like her
- …and acts like her.
- She dresses like Bella
- And she has an old car…like Bella.
- Am I in the right movie?
- Hello Mr.Grey…
- …I was expecting someone a little more American Psycho
- That Pencil.
- Why Does Ana keep poking herself in the chin with a goddamn pencil?
- She doesn’t look sexy or innocent or alluring.
- And why is she there in the first place? Couldn’t her room-mate have just Skyped Grey?
- Ana has a flip phone.
- Grey upgrades everything in her life except the vintage flip…and I don’t even think it was a motorola
- Cable ties. Duck tape. Rope.
- OMG why wouldn’t you run away from someone buying ‘I’m going to kidnap you’ paraphernalia?
- Grey is clearly and obsessive stalker - not a boy simply falling in love with a girl.
- How does he keep finding her when her phone doesn’t have an app for that?
- Why is she not concerned about how easily her finds her?
- And how easily he ‘breaks’ into her apartment?
- Leg hair
- Pubic hair
- I need more popcorn.
- I’ve seen more nudity and sex scenes in HBO programs
- I want to ride in a glider. Now.
- Seriously. The sex is not that ‘weird’.
- It’s actually pretty tastefully shot.
- Everybody talks too slow.
- That’s why this film is over 2 hours long.
- What’s on the ‘approved food list’?
- It’s impossible to have a business meeting in the dark.
- And when did little miss jeans and converse learn to wear a dress like that?
- She walks confidently in the heels - then later in similar heels she suddenly walks like Bambi?
- Oh. Grey is tormented by his stereotypical ‘mum was a crack whore’ past.
- Saw that coming.
- So all people who are into BDSM are tortured souls? Not buying that!
- Rita Ora?? Why?
- If you’re planning on making love to someone for the first time, wouldn’t you shave your legs?
- I’ve seen more sex in Game of Thrones.
- And Boardwalk Empire.
- Ana goes full frontal naked.
- Grey never shows us his little friend
- I really want the soundtrack to this movie.
- Ana wants to know how bad games in the playroom can get.
- *hides behind fingers*
- …wait….is that Grey doing his worst?
- Yawn. Yawn. I need to pee.
- Oh good a cliffhanger ending. Didn’t see that coming…*eye roll*
I am not proud to say I read the books, the writing was terrible and I am starting to think I was drunk the majority of the time I was reading it. Don't think I would actually want to watch the movie though. I have heard that its just as badly done as the actual book itself.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I should get drunk first and then read them? If the books didn't exist and media didn't over-hype the whole thing, it wouldn't be a brilliant film but it wouldn't be a bad film either. I think they should have tried to steer further away from the books and run with it a little more wildly!
DeleteSarah :)
Haha. Deffo not seeing this! Looks like trash!
ReplyDeleteCorinne x
www.skinnedcartree.com
I wasn't going into expecting much but it was just so BLAH! I think the hardcore fans will be disappointed!
DeleteSarah :)
Only just saw this post after reading your comment on mine the other day, and I have to say that I laughed at all the points you made. You are very funny. You also think A LOT when watching a movie haha!
ReplyDeletexx
Haha I think I think TOO much all of the time! Glad you enjoyed the post! :D
DeleteSarah :)